1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
