I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
