for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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