I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
