Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
