One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
