I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
