he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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