I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
