their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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