ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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