I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
