I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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