She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize