I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
