Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
