You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
