Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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