Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
