When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
