I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
