Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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