Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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