Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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