i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
