Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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