her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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