I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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