Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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