he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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