FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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