well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
