normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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