I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
