I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize