yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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