dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
