the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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