nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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