So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
