do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
