Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
