we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
