So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
