drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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