i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
