Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
