I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
