Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
