Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
