how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize