Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
