These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
