I heard we made out
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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