Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
