I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
