you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
