This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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