I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
