you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
