Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
