I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
