Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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