Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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