smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
sex in a hospital.. check
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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