So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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