My hand turned me down
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
