oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
