oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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