I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
