one two three fourrrrnication!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
