I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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