thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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