I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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