Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
