you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
